What’s Your Optional Identity?
A while back, as part of a business development program I’m involved in, I was introduced to the concept of the optional identity. No, it’s not a costume or an alias. And, we all have them (or, at least most of us do).
An optional identity is anything we tell ourselves about who we are that doesn’t have to be true. It’s something we choose to believe as if it’s a hard and fast rule. As if there’s no way to change it… which kind of gives us a pass to never even try.
After the workshop where this topic was brought up, I thought about what my own optional identities have been over the years:
I’m a slow reader.
I’m always late.
I’m a night owl.
These are things that I always told myself were “just how I was.” [insert shrug] Out of my hands. Probably genetic.
I carried these statements with me for years, but in the back of my mind, I wished they weren’t true. Then, at some point, I decided to make them not true. It wasn’t an epiphany or anything. It was more of a slow roll to the desire to change. Some of it was easy, some of it wasn’t.
“I’m a slow reader” was probably the easiest. I just started to read as much and as often as possible. Over time, by doing it more and more, I became faster at it. Not in a speed reading sort of way. But in a way that allowed me to enjoy it much more. Now, I’m never without a book. Which, by the way, is also a type of optional identity – but a positive one that I choose to be true.
“I’m always late” and “I’m a night owl” were a different story. I continued to let them be true. Until I had a reason not to.
Alzheimer’s.
I’ve said before my big “why” for how I take care of myself is reducing my risk for Alzheimer’s, which my mother had for 10 years before her death. And I know that stress and lack of sleep are two of the biggest contributors (along with nutrition, of course!)
“I’m always late” has caused me a lot of stress over the years. Stress in the physical act of rushing, for sure. But, worse, feeling like I wasn’t showing up the way I wanted to for friends or family. I’m not going to lie. This has required a big change in behavior, but I’ve developed some tricks along the way.
“I’m a night owl” has also required some real behavior change. It still sometimes doesn’t feel “normal” for me to go to bed as early as I do on most nights. But I do it anyway. Looking at it through the lens of brain health changed my perspective completely.
Has all of this been a straight line to success? Heck no! There are still days when I’m late and nights when I’m up long after I should be in bed (this month, I’m blaming the Olympics.) But I keep working at it because I know it’s worth it. My “why” is bigger than my “why not.”
What’s your optional identity? I can tell you a few that I hear from clients:
I’m just not a vegetable person.
I’m too busy to eat healthily.
I’m not athletic.
I get bored so I don’t stick with things.
Do any sound familiar? Believe it or not, they’re all things that can be resolved with the right person in your corner.
I work with my clients to root out the optional identities that are holding them back and give them strategies to overcome them.
Think about how great it would be to be the person whose day isn’t complete without veggies; or the person who eats healthily precisely because she's so busy; or the person who knows how to avoid boredom and stick with things.
Whatever yours may be, particularly if it's related to nutrition and health, I’d ask you to consider if it really has to be true. Then ask yourself if you’re ready to take the steps to change it.
