The 3 Stages of Nutrition Parenting
And How to Ace Them!
At a recent networking meeting, I heard someone talking about the three stages of parenting and it occurred to me that they map perfectly to parenting your kids with respect to their diets, too.
So, borrowing the concept (with permission!), let me present…
The 3 Stages of Nutrition Parenting
1. The Boss – infants and toddlers through mid elementary school
Obviously, parents are making all the decisions when it comes to feeding infants. In the toddler years, it starts to become a little more difficult as the littles learn to negotiate (and beg, of course!) But you're still the boss and it's ok for them to recognize that. Explain your decisions in an age-appropriate way if that works for you. But you make the rules about what comes into your house and what happens at meal time. You’re setting the tone for your family, regardless of what others do. That's not always easy.
On top of that, manufacturers have all sort of tricks up their sleeves when it comes to marketing their food directly to children. Unfortunately, the more enticing they make a food look to kids – the more artificial colors involved, the more cartoon characters pictured – often the less healthy it is. You need some tricks, too.
In our family, one of our rules was no food with characters. The characters had to stay in the store so the other children could visit them, too. It wouldn't be fair if we brought them home for ourselves. I have to say, it worked pretty well. It was just a matter-of-fact answer to our daughter's request, having nothing to do with health in her mind, and we moved on.
When you get home from the grocery store, let the kids help in the kitchen as much as your schedule allows. Have them wash fruits and veggies, cut them when they’re old enough, help you stir ingredients, or see how you combine yummy flavors. To highlight all the beautiful produce you've brought home, encourage them to do a “color hunt” in the kitchen for the colors that come from nature. Put out a plate of cut veggies while dinner is being made. Don't jump through hoops cajoling your kids to eat any of it. Just leave the plate and let them get curious enough to try. This might take a few attempts and will be more successful if you're eating them, too!
Keep the interactions positive and make sure they understand that every family makes its own decisions about what to eat, and that you don't question that.
2. The Manager – late elementary school through middle school
Here’s where you really start teaching your children what's behind good nutrition, what food does in their bodies, and why your family makes the choices it does. You’re still the primary guide with the expectation that they follow your lead, but you also want to encourage them to play an active role. As they get older and you teach them even more about the importance of nutrition, it’s essential to keep their relationship with food positive. Don’t demonize or use scare tactics about ingredients, foods, or whole food groups; don’t bring words like skinny, fat, diet, weight loss into your conversations; and don't criticize others' habits. If your kids go down that road, redirect them in a positive way. Focus on a strong body, energy to fuel fun activities, and foods that are great for brain power and mood. Helping them recognize that not everyone has the knowledge or ability to have as healthy a diet as you do is another important message at this age.
3. The Consultant – high school
Anyone with grown kids knows how hard it is to start backing off a little in the high school years when kids want nothing more than they want autonomy. They're starting to make more of their own choices. And, since they're out of the house more, this includes what they eat. But you still need to be present to consult or gently guide. The opportunity for teaching is still there – just in a less prescriptive or proscriptive way. Let it be a conversation -- ask questions about their choices in a neutral way and discuss how different foods make them feel. Ask if they’d like your opinion before offering it, but encourage dialog. This is still a great time to get your high schooler involved in the kitchen when time allows. They might want to choose or even make dinner here or there. It's a great way to prepare them for going out on their own. Last, get a sense for the information they're getting from friends and social media. Every day, kids can be exposed to countless unhealthy messages about nutrition and body image. Help them navigate that and dispel what myths you can.
I counsel parents on managing all of these stages with their children. But, sometimes, when parents enter the “consultant ”phase with their kids, an outside consultant is the best bet. Someone other than mom or dad to learn from and guide them. In fact, some of my most receptive clients are the high schoolers and college students. They respond really well to what I have to teach them and love taking that information and then being in the driver’s seat. Some of them even get their families involved in what they learn. If you're interested in getting help for the teen or college student in your life, let's chat.
Whichever route you take – whether you DIY it or engage someone like me to help – the most important thing for kids of all ages is to keep it fun. The more they see nutrition as a positive thing – and not drudgery and restriction -- the better!
